Each of us develop a great number of relationships throughout the course of our lives – it’s part of being human. This includes romantic relationships, as well as other connections such as those among family, with friends, acquaintances and even co-workers. A healthy relationship has a significantly positive impact on our mental health, and in order to nurture successful relationships, we need to invest time, patience, understanding, commitment and honest communication, to name a few things.
In this blog post, we will focus on adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, but other issues can arise for those with autism and other neurological differences.
For those with ADHD, building and maintaining positive relationships can present a real challenge. As a result of unwelcome symptoms, a relationship may have to deal with hurt feelings, emotional outbursts, reckless behaviour or difficulties related to communication skills. The effects can be particularly pronounced if one or more people are dealing with undiagnosed ADHD.
Hannah Hayward, a neurodevelopmental specialist has recently found that vulnerability was a common theme for those who have been tested and diagnosed with ADHD and autism, especially in women and girls. This has sadly resulted in 9 out of 10 women disclosing a history of domestic abuse.
Some of the following behaviours can have such an impact on a relationship for those who have, or are in a relationship with someone who has ADHD. You will see how unhealthy patterns can lead a couple down the road of domestic abuse and toxic relationships.
Lack of focus / losing interest – This isn’t really what a loving partner wants or needs from their spouse. Today’s society makes it even more difficult for those with ADHD by adding social media and dating apps to the mix, meaning it is even harder for people with ADHD to commit to a relationship that is consistent.
Creativity – The brain of someone with ADHD is usually extremely creative and this means that they are constantly working on new projects, moving around, wanting to express themselves in new ways to sustain that buzz, but this can be exhausting for a partner to keep up with, especially if they don’t understand the need for such creative energy.
Response to rejection - For people with ADHD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria can mean extreme emotional sensitivity and emotional pain — and it may imitate mood disorders with suicidal ideation and manifest as rage at the person responsible for causing the pain. Too many women with ADHD choose isolation to avoid the emotional pain of rejection, the emotional dysregulation they face may increase the tendency to personalize ambiguous social interactions, interpret them negatively, and be unable to regulate an emotional reaction to the interaction that prompted it.
Hyper focus – Hyper focussing on an individual or the idea of a relationship can be very harmful for people with ADHD. Leading to loneliness and in some cases obsessive behaviours such as stalking and harassment. Sometimes limerence - a state of mind which results from romantic or non-romantic feelings, typically including intrusive thoughts or an intense desire to form or maintain a relationship, can occur with neurodivergent people.
Trouble expressing or processing emotions - Interrupting others can be very difficult when communicating with your partner, we all know lack of communication and understanding can be the cause of a relationship to break down but when there is one or more person with undiagnosed ADHD it makes it almost impossible to carry out the above with the level of care and co-operation that is needed.
There are many tools and tips on line for people with ADHD and other neurological differences who may be struggling. We are hearing more and more public figures speaking out about their experience but the significant links between the traits mentioned above and domestic abuse are only just being highlighted.