There may come a time in your relationship, when leaving your partner feels like the only option.
It's never too early or too late to leave an abusive partner. Your safety is paramount, so if you decide to leave, it's best to plan your exit carefully.
Abusers can become more violent and controlling, posing a danger even after you've left. Ending the relationship does not necessarily end the abuse and with the use of certain tech devices now it is easier for your ex-partner to keep track of where you might be.
A safety plan helps protect you and your children, both within the relationship and if you decide to leave.
Deciding to leave can be a lengthy process and might take several attempts. Here are some things to consider during your planning stage:
Timing: Plan to leave when your partner is at work or you know he will not be coming home soon.
Belongings: Take everything you need, including important documents like passports, bank statements and birth certificates for you and your children, as you may not be able to return later.
Children: Try to take your children with you; it might be difficult to have them live with you later if you leave without them. Inform their school about the situation and ensure that the head and their teachers are aware of what is going on.
Finances: If possible, set aside a small amount of money each week or open a separate bank account.
Keep important and emergency phone numbers with you, such as:
Local domestic abuse service – We can go through this with you on the phone and help you to keep the information somewhere safe.
Police – 101 to make any logs.
GP
Social worker
Children’s school
Solicitor
Our number - 08 088 088 088
Emergency Contacts: Teach your children to call 999 in an emergency and practice what they need to say (e.g., full name, address, and telephone number). Teach them the Silent Solution (pressing 55 during a 999 call to indicate they can't speak out loud) and how to contact 999 in BSL.
Neighbours: If you trust your neighbours, inform them of the situation and ask them to call the police if they hear any verbal abuse or physical attacks.
Escape Plan: Rehearse your escape plan to ensure you and your children can leave safely in an emergency. Pack an emergency bag and hide it somewhere safe, avoiding mutual friends or family.
Finances and Communication: Keep money with you at all times, including change for bus fares. Know where the nearest phone is, and keep your mobile charged and topped up with credit if it's Pay As You Go.
Tech Safety: After leaving, change your passwords to something the abuser can't guess, especially for banking and email accounts. You can talk to your bank confidentially for additional security. Enable two-factor authentication for online accounts and turn off your phone's location services to prevent tracking. Alternatively, you could use a second phone. For more guidance on tech safety, visit Digital Breakup (refugetechsafety.org)
Safe Spaces: Identify the safest place in your house and go there if you suspect an attack. Avoid areas like the kitchen or garage where weapons are accessible, and avoid small spaces where you could be trapped.
Emergency Preparedness: Be ready to leave the house quickly. If you drive, keep your car keys accessible and your car fuelled.
Leaving an abusive relationship is scary in itself so it is important you plan and prepare to escape safely thinking about all of the points above.
If harassment, threats, or abuse continue after you leave, keep detailed records of each incident, including dates, times, and descriptions. Take photos of property damage or injuries.
Inform your solicitor if the abuser breaches any court orders and visit your GP to make a record of any mental or physical health problems relating to the abuse.
In an emergency, always call the police on 999. If you can't speak, press 55 to indicate you need help. If you would like to talk to someone about support and signposting options call us on 08 088 088 088 or email kim@mailpurple.org